Let’s Not Scare Everyone Away from the Online Playground

I drove by the playground the other evening.  It was empty.  No kids on the swings, the monkey bars nor ‘shirts v skins’ on the basketball court.  Who took the kids off the playground?

It was after dinner, the time when parents are winding down, preparing for the next day. Kids don’t just run off to the play with friends.  Today’s mom can’t say, “be home by dark”, like our moms did.  Concern for their safety took the kids off the playground.

Let’s think of social media as the new playground where young people go to interact and develop social skills.  Let’s help them develop skills, like you did when you showed them to pump their knees to make the swing ‘go’.

Be in the space so you know what’s happening.  But like the playground, it’s bad form for mom or dad to step in on every kid interaction.  They’ll never be safe to go it alone.

• Talk to your kids about what’s happening online.  ‘Bing’ or ‘google’ the words ‘Social Media’ and click on ‘news’ in the navigation bar.  You’ll be amazed at what you learn.  [This morning, I found out about the mingle stick.  Read my blog about it under "Reviews".]  The point of this simple research is:
  • You become more credible to your kids about the online environment.  While most adults are telling kids it’s their space, the truth is the fastest growing demo online is 55+.  The space is for all of us.  They will be surprised [and secretly proud] when you tell them about something for their digital life that they later hear friends talking about.  There’s your street cred,  mom!
  • They start to understand that you have your own digital life and you are not online to spy on them.
  • You’ll learn a thing or two and how great is that!
• The nature of new media is that something is emerging all the time.  This innovation can be exciting and it can be a tool to teach critical thinking.  Talk about pros & cons of an idea, website or technology online.  Don’t be negative.  Be careful not to send the message that there is only danger online.  Sample questions to spark the discussion:
  • What’s the main benefit?  Why is it a good idea?
  • What would make it better?
  • Who would use it?  Would you?
  • When is it most useful?  When inappropriate?
  • Who will to benefit [financially & otherwise] & what do they gain?
  • What will be a warning sign that there’s trouble?
• Put limitations on technology & social media.  Your goal is to help your kids develop their ‘spidey-sense’.
  • Set age-appropriate limitations.  An overall ban doesn’t work.  Adjust the rules periodically as they get older or show more maturity and responsibility.  Let them know the benchmarks:  “If you show me you can X, then I can be comfortable to let you do Y.”
  • Make a list of technology available to your child and set individual guidelines.  Don’t forget phones, ipods, games, etc.
    • Talk with your partner about what the rules should be before presenting them to the kids.  Don’t make any one parent the enforcer.  That good guy-bad guy stuff is not fair.
    • Leave room for negotiation.  If the kids have a different idea about what’s appropriate, listen and consider.  Don’t fall for the ‘every one else …” It has to be what works for your family.  Consider their suggestions and adjust if appropriate.  Get back to them in a reasonable time period.
    • Be definitive so everyone understands the rules. Be clear about the consequences.  Stick to it.
  • Have everyone plug in their cell phones in one central location at a set time each night.  The kitchen is a good place.
    • Cell phones in bedroom can really get in the way of sleep.  Texting into the wee hours or a phone buzzing under their pillow prevent a good night’s sleep.
    • It’s easier to find lost phones at check-in each evening; easier to retrace the steps of hours rather than days.
    • This way, they’re never out of juice if they’re in a sticky situation and need to call for help.
  • Treat video games as a reward & limit the time of play.  [See previous post on this site for more information about gaming ideas.]
  • No social media at the breakfast, lunch or dinner table.  If you want company for a meal, invite them over.  This as ‘face’ time; analog talk. Family Dinner is Time Well Spent
  • Don’t forbid a facebook page for people 15 and over.  But make it a condition that they accept you as a friend.
    • If they are concerned you invade their privacy, remind them there are a lot of people online who don’t care about them who can see what they do online, better to have someone who cares.
    • Agree not to post on their wall or tag them in photos without their permission. It’s the digital equivalent to going to the school dance and commenting on their friends’ dresses & asking people to dance.  You can quickly become the creeper, no matter how cool you think you are.
    • Agree ahead of time about what guidelines they will use for
      • Accepting friend requests
      • Posting photos & videos
      • Use of language
    • If they violate the agreement, talk to them in person & enforce consequences.

Good manners make the playground run smoothly; just as kids need to wait their turn at the slide.  Good manners never go out of style; analog manners enrich digital life.    Parents need to be careful not to empty the digital playground.  Kids will gather someplace.  Let it be a place where they have access to adults who care about them.